APPLE VALLEY, MN — This past Saturday, local father Doug Withers was arrested in the dead of night at the Minnesota Zoo’s American Bison exhibit. When authorities arrived on the scene, five of the seven shaggy ungulates were sporting brand … Continue reading Local Dad Arrested At Minnesota Zoo For Putting New Balances On Every Animal
Eager to gain notoriety on campus and attract potential players, the Men’s Rugby team hosted a three stop Progresso Party last Saturday Night. Said Sophomore Liam Trout: “You know, it feels like the frisbee and football teams have Progressos every … Continue reading Disillusioned First Year Attends First “Progresso Party”
In recent culinary news, students brave enough to try the suspiciously textured meatloaf in Cafe Mac discovered the … Continue reading Psychedelic Mold found in Cafe Mac Meatloaf draws crowds
• Their special stomachs allow them to eat certain things that humans can’t, such as poison ivy and mushrooms. This is why deers are always tripping balls. They love it. • They make a great percussion sound when they jump … Continue reading Hege Safari Files: Fun Facts About White Tailed Deer
ITS head David Sisk attempting to capitalize on becoming on-campus meme with new fashion line. With an increasing presence on campus, David Sisk is attempting to cash in on this newfound fame with a product line based on his personal … Continue reading David Sisk’s New Fashion Line
Students at Macalester College have long been known to turn heads with their eccentric fashion choices. Pastel hair, facial piercings, vintage thrifted yak leather shrugs. But this spring’s newest trend is perhaps the wildest so far. “I was feeling pretty … Continue reading Goat Life Starter Pack
Forgot to send in your resume? Got rejected by everything you applied for? Just realized there’s a practicum requirement for your major? row your hat into the ring for these last minute summer internships: -Brian Rosenberg’s butler -Professional subtweeter … Continue reading Last Minute Internships
Listen up. I know everyone thinks that Dr. Seuss book “Green Eggs and Ham” is all cute and shit, I know it’s hot right now, but there’s something you’ve got to understand. I’m Pete, the guy who ate those green … Continue reading Do NOT Trust Him!