“Ben, Jerry, Bob… Give me a bucket I need to go vom.” Sally Norman ’14, recently started a petition to change the names of the library printers we all have come to know and love. “So what… these three MAN printers give us what we need to study and pass our classes? MEN have control over our future!? This is ridiculous I’m getting angry just talking about it.”
The names ‘Ben’ and ‘Jerry’ may have been a play off the popular ice cream, Ben and Jerry’s, but Norman claims this nomenclature is no fun and games.
“They are intentionally poking fun at us ladies by targeting the stereotype that girls have had a good cry into the cookie dough tub while watching Mean Girls bloopers. But, that isn’t me. That isn’t anybody. They aren’t “getting” anybody. They don’t “get” me. They just don’t.”
Norman has been spotted squatting on the various printers as protest shouting things like “I WILL NOT MOVE TO THE FRONT OF THE PRINTER!!!” The protests halted temporarily as she recovered from butt paper cuts.
President Rosenberg has agreed that a printer name change may be beneficial to the Macalester community. He has issued a survey to determine which of the names should be saved. Due to strong dedications to specific printers, different teams have arisen with strong arguments for each printer.
Bob Jerry ’15 claims, “I literally LOL every time I print. Unless my printing goes to ‘Ben.’ Then I’m just silent.” For obvious reasons, Bob Jerry, the new leader of the ‘We hate Ben’ group, has personally started a campaign to change the ‘Ben’ computer; his team only has three members due to its negativity and bias.
Derek Washington ’13, leader of ‘Team Jerry’ told a tale of the time ‘Jerry’ printed his paper duplex without him selecting so. “It was like he knew I wanted to save the environment, and I just forgot. He’s a life saver.”
Many feel that ‘Bob’ may already feel ostracized because of the previous mentioned Ben and Jerry’s reference; forcing him to change his name is just another blow he simply doesn’t deserve. A group of freshman has started a “SAVE BOB” campaign that attempts to make word play off of “boob” and uses old Breast Cancer awareness swag. Needless to say, Bob lost the race.
Results from the survey are seen below. A surprising amount of students expressed hatred for the individual who spearheaded the protest and another large amount brought up that ‘Jerry’ could be a female name. Despite these minor setbacks, the renaming was set forth!
A new name for the ‘Bob’ printer (RIP) is still in the works, with the top contender being ‘Bobra’ (Respect is still paid to ‘Bob’ AND you can practice your New York accent version of Barbara as you wait.)
After the giant success of her printer campaign, what is Norman’s next big move?
“Olin Rice. I mean that’s just fucking racist. Not all Asians are good at math.”