First Year Stuck in Purgatory of Café Mac

Donald Rapier has slipped into an odd netherworld that exists within Café Mac. He finds himself wandering from station to station, never sure of what he wants, always vaguely hungry, and unable to ever sit down. When asked about his state of being, Donald responded, “I dunno. I kinda feel like the Grille, but I may just get Asian station.”

Day after day, Donald slowly trudges back and forth from the south side to the north side. He has never left Café Mac since arriving to Macalester, and may stay there forever.

“Sometimes I see him pause in front of the desserts for hours on end,” remarked Cathy Girffin, a fellow first year. “He’ll just stand there, eating vegan dessert after vegan dessert.”

Donald had no explanation for his behavior. “I can’t seem to help myself,” he said. “I’m rooted in my spot, shoveling those vegan cookies into my mouth, and then they keep coming back. It never seems to end.”

People wonder how Donald found himself in this position. However, no one, not even Donald, knows for sure. “I came here on the first day,” he said, “and I was just amazed by the amount of choices I had. Although sometimes, the flames roaring and burning my from the pizza oven makes me think there’s another reason for this.”

Some speculate he “feels a little nauseous” and “is just looking for the right food that won’t upset his stomach.” Others believe he’s been punished by a supreme being, doomed to roam the floors of Café Mac for all eternity.

Donald concluded his interview with a wish that the freshman girls who serve the food would not cackle as much and be generally less “harpie-like.”

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