Kanye mulling over choices for baby’s godfather

With the recent revelation that Kim Kardashian is pregnant, she has given her beau, the part-time fashionista, full-time musical genius, consistently diminutive Kanye West the job of naming the child’s godfather. Not to take the job lightly, Kanye has created a pro/con list for each nominee, which we were lucky enough here at The Hegemonocle to get our hands on.


Pro: Courtside seats for the  Brooklyn Nets.

Con: Courtside seats are located directly next to Kris Humphries’ chair at the end of the Brooklyn Net’s bench, from which he rarely departs.


Pro: Throws a mean bar mitzvah; having a godfather permanently confined to a wheelchair will teach the baby to be humble.

Con: Only lives once.

Rick Ross

Pro: tickley beard; has the same general disdain for t-shirts exhibited by many small children; succulent titties.

Cons: Always has that, “Well, I ain’t that hungry, but shit… this baby is tender” look in his eyes.

2 Chainz

Pro: Throws a great birthday party. Con: Motherfucker’s name is 2 CHAINZ, 2 CHAINZ!!!

George Bush

Pro: Get to see him squirm while trying to figure out how to handle Hurricane Diaper, population 1.

Con: Doesn’t care about black people.

Don Corleone

Pro: Seems to have this whole “Godfather thing” down pat.

Con: Murder, mafia etc. etc. etc.

Kanye West

Pro: Cool as fuck.

Con: Hanging with a baby all the time might mess with Kanye West’s swag…


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