How did you get past the guards?

1. Easily

2. Let’s just say, you should have covered their health insurance…

3. Bribery

4. Beat them in a little game of Rock-Paper-Scissors

5. Told them I left my keys in my office

6. Took the stairs

What are you eating for dinner?

1. Whatever they are serving at the English Department’s Treat Night

2. Leftover Leftovers

3. Literally just a pickle

4. Oh shit, I forgot about that

5. Regurgitated Lunch

New Categories Popping up on Your Netflix

1. Nic Cage Dramas with a Strong Nic Cage Lead

2. If you liked “Trolls 3”…

3. Secretly Erotic Dramas That You Will Uncomfortably Watch with Your Mother at some Point

4. Real. Big. Explosions. (Part II)

5. Based on your interest in “Ghost Rider: Behind the Scenes”…

6. Recommended for your lonely, sad existence

7. Chick-Fil-A Flicks

Tired of Your Nalgene? Other Water Carrying Devices

1. Gourds

2. Purchase a Sanitized Lamb Spleen

3. With your hands

4. Suck from an inverted catheter a.k.a. Camelback

5. I’ll say it again, gourds

6. In your mouth, stupid


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