Game-Changing Name-Changing

A new trend has hit the NBA: name-changing. Happening most recently with the New Orleans Hornets changing to the Pelicans, many other teams see an advantage in this strategy. First proven by the Brooklyn Nets, teams have found rebranding does wonders for the fan base and team moral. Here at The Hegemonocle, we have a leaked list of future team name changes and their marketing strategies.

The Los Angeles Great Clippers

A surprising and bold move by Great Clips, a Minnesotan company, to buy a Californian team, but in a city known for creativity, this might be a successful decision after all. Each player will not only sport a new, trendy haircut, but also be trained in the art of hairdressing.

The New York Stevie Knicks

After their outer borough neighbors enlisted the iconic Jay-Z to be the front man for their organization, the Knicks sought a famous musician of their own: Stevie Nicks. Rumours has it, Edge of Seventeen will be played non-stop in Madison Square Garden.

The Denver McNuggets

Ronald McDonald buys the Nuggets. He changes the name to the McNuggets. Look for them dipping and dunking from Tangy Barbecue to Creamy Ranch.

The Sacramento Burger Kings

This name change might be seen as reactionary. However, a new rivalry will definitely develop between Sacramento and Denver. Maybe now people will actually watch the Kings.

Orlando Magic: The Gathering

Looking to capitalize on a niche market, Orlando adopts this new identity. The players on the Magic will be featured on cards as spells, which can be used at any moment in a basketball game. However, this means the organization will have to keep a well-stocked mana pool.

Golden State Ninja Warriors

The final, and possibly most profitable, marketing scheme involves the Ninja Warriors putting on a full scale competition each year during the off-season to field a team. The players will be pulled from around the world, be at peak physical and mental strength, capable of enduring almost anything, and all under 5’10”.


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