ROSEDALE MALL, MN — A well-intentioned middle-aged man has been contorting his facial features in “goofy ways” for over 35 minutes now, sources confirm. In what would otherwise be the sweetest of moments, the poor soul has apparently mistaken a young girl’s baby doll for a small infant. Bystanders fresh from the scene explain they hadn’t the heart to break it to the man, who “just kept trying to make the doll laugh. You could tell he found it harder and harder to come up with new faces. He would furrow his brow and step back for a moment to re-evaluate his routine.”
One young woman explained, “At first, I thought it was a cute joke, you know, like sometimes old people make. After a while, though, I realized the man actually had no idea he was talking to an inanimate object.”
At press time, the doll’s owner and her mother anxiously debate whether to approach the pitiable figure, or simply leave the doll behind.