Rob Spermanski, a first-year student from Long Island, NY, was removed from his room in Dupre Hall by security Friday night after they received a report that he was allegedly “snorting White Privilege off of his vinyl copy of Radiohead: Greatest Hits.”
Andy Jacobs, Spermanski’s RA, who admits to using White Privilege recreationally in the past said in a statement early Saturday that “it’s really important that we all learn from this situation. Abusing White Privilege is just not acceptable at Mac.”
Spermanski claims that he was using the banned substance on Friday night before going to a house party on Dayton Avenue, saying that he “wanted the best chances of getting out of a ticket should the party get busted by the St. Paul Police.”
“The fact of the matter is that White Privilege is a dangerous drug that’s all over US college campuses,” said Molly ‘Mary-Jay’ Krystal, head substance abuse specialist at Macalester’s Health and Wellness Center. This problem can’t continue to go unchecked.”
To avoid, treat, and prevent White Privilege, please be cognizant of potential side effects that include:
-Disproportionately large representation in US politics.
-Bias in your favor in the courts.
-Decrease in likeliness of being pulled over by patrol cars.
-Rise in sweater-vest wearing.
-Blissful unawareness to the fact that the drug is affecting your life or anyone else’s life.
-Huge drop in dancing ability.