Parents Ecstatic over Child’s Change to Humanities Major

Tom McMahon, a junior from Coos Bay, Oregon, announced Thursday his plan to switch from an Economics to an English major. McMahon’s decision follows months of intense debate with his parents, and late nights comparing himself to Robin Williams in Dead Poets Society.

McMahon, 20, has often disagreed with his parents over adolescent decisions. In high school, he attended a party where alcohol was served, and was grounded for it. This past year, he needed to mail urine samples to prove he no longer smoked marijuana (a popular psychoactive drug on college campuses).

Lately though, the family couldn’t be in greater harmony. McMahon’s parents had been pleading that he switch his major from Economics to something more spiritually fulfilling.

“He’s too young to know his life path,” said Mr. McMahon, “It’s more important he preserves the full complexities and quality of cultural information for the use of generations while making it more accessible to people today.”

Mrs. McMahon agreed: “His paid internship at the World Bank this summer was neat. But did he come any closer to self-actualization?”

McMahon has granted their wish, switching to an English major, though for less philosophical reasons than his parents’. He saw it as decision forced by the current economic climate. “I wanted to approach the job market without a specialty,” McMahon said. “President Rosenberg always champions the liberal arts, and he seems like a sincere enough guy.”

At press time, McMahon’s application for social media intern at the Minnesota Model Car Museum had been rejected. Though, he remains optimistic he’ll finally understand the social commentary of Anna Karenina.

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