Radical Change in Cows’ Diet Incites Discussion

A new trend has hit the Midwest: Pasteur-fed cows. The unnatural diets of our bovine counterparts are no more. Scientists have recently discovered a technique to improve the wellbeing of our cows. Wynonna Cud, an expert in all things cattle, says, “This breakthrough will revolutionize the meat and dairy market. No longer will rBGH taint the food of our supple cows, they will only be fed the finest flesh of Louis Pasteur.”

The flesh comes from big warehouses where descendants of Louis Pasteur are stored. This development has been quite the cattleist for this new industry. Mike Hoof, a proprietor of one of these warehouses, is overjoyed, “This breakthrough has done wonders for my business! To think, I was going to throw out my vast stores of Louis Pasteur’s family members.”

However, with any great change, there follows a herd of dissenters. They criticize the moovement, saying it is no different than feeding the cows genetically modified hormones. Hugh Heifer, one such critic says, “This is udderly ridiculous! Scientists should not feed cows!”

Others are more apathetic. One woman, Liv Estock, claims that she will continue eating beef, regardless of what goes into it. She also mentioned, “I really think people are milking this issue. They’re just going to continue arguing until they butcher all of the real meaning in it.”

At the end of the day, all parties could agree on one thing: they want to keep their dairy products pasture-ized.


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