Soft-Core Porn Smash Hit with Fourteen Year Old Boys

“It’s really just great…” Jimmy Gibaldi began, in an enthusiastic review of Busty Bikini Babysitters VI. Fourteen-year old Jimmy recently discovered soft-core pornography.

“Who would have guessed that the babysitter would fall for the hot dad? I sure didn’t,” Jimmy continued. “The storyline was solid, the lighting was great…her ass looked fantastic! The overall sex appeal was exceptional, especially because of all the tongue-kissing and butt groping. I’d give it an A-, but only because I wish there was more nipple.”

Jimmy had been mentally preparing for this since he found out earlier this week that his parents were going out on a date. He began the night by thinking of the sexiest moment of his life so far (when he saw classmate Katie Neep at Kohl’s buying a sports bra). Then he ate some Totino’s pizza rolls, listened to the uncensored version of the Boyz II Men album, and talked to himself in the mirror in his underwear for 45 minutes. Once he was pumped up, he took a seat in front of the television.

When asked why he doesn’t watch a more ‘hardcore’ alternative, Jimmy explained that “he’s tried.” Mr. and Mrs. Gibaldi set up a parental filter on their Wi-Fi, which has deterred him. One time, however, he saw some internet porn at his friend Ryan’s house, but stopped because there was too much asshole licking. “Maybe one day though,” he contemplated wistfully.

Unfortunately, Jimmy’s sexy night-in was cut short when his parents returned early from their date. Although he was surprised, Jimmy composed himself and quickly changed the channel to CSPAN while his parents were in the garage. “They don’t have a clue,” Jimmy explained.

“Oh we know very well what he’s been up to,” said Mrs. Gibaldi. “I’ve been doing his laundry for the past fourteen years…his socks literally break in half. I would say something, but I’m looking forward to grandchildren. The least he could do is clean off the remote. His CSPAN fixation is a little strange though.”

Jimmy, however, seems to remain unfazed. He’s been nursing a boner for the past 72 hours, and he’s feeling incredible.

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