Macalester Pick-Up Lines

Are you from Jamaica?

Because your thinking seems grounded in postcolonialism.

How much does a polar bear weigh?

Enough to break the ice given the current state of our polar caps.

I heard you haven’t been studying for orgo.

You must want the “D.”

I lost my phone number.

Can I send you a hand written letter?

Did it hurt when you fell from heaven

after realizing that there is no objective truth?

Please pick that up.

Do you realize the environmental impact of plastic?

Are you tired? ‘Cause you’ve been running through my mind all day

after that comment about America being a place of Kafkaesque tedium.

Do you have a library card?

Because I forgot mine and want to check out this Charles Baxter book.

If I could rearrange the alphabet

I would not put U and I, but U and ME together.

Is it hot in here?

Or is it just my subjective experience?

What’s a nice girl like you doing in a place like this

cold, meaningless world?

Are you from Tennessee?

Because I am trying to meet someone from each of the 50 states.

I smoke cigarettes


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