2014 Congressional Agenda

1. Lewis Black as the newest American ambassador.

2. Newt Gingrich as Gringott’s goblin stunt double.

3. Changing of the National Anthem to “Call Me Maybe.”

4. Swearing now a felony.*

5. Appeal to adopt Frisbee golf, LARPing for next Winter Olympics.

6. Mosquitoes are now a protected species.

7. Puce as the national color.

8. Change the word “birdie” in badminton back to “shuttlecock.”

9. Every “Terms and Conditions” must have a pop quiz at the end to ensure careful reading.

10. Tacos on sticks.

*Currently Filibustered: 52/48 “Fucking Against It.”

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