Pathetic College Student Goes Trick-or-Treating

Macalester first-year Ben Steinway, described by fellow students as a “total loser,” reportedly went trick-or-treating this Halloween dressed in an ill-fitting Spiderman costume which he was still wearing at interview “Homeowners usually asked ‘Aren’t you a little old for this?,’” Steinway said. “Then I would stare at them and they would give me candy.”

The creep went alone, saying that none of his friends wanted to come along.

“Yeah, I guess they’re all too cool to have fun,” he said with a laugh. “I don’t care, I’m still a kid at heart. I love holidays. I’m totally going to go Easter-egg hunting in the spring, too.”

Steinway, whose overbearingly enthusiastic attitude is completely and utterly sickening, skipped a physics problem set in order to go. He explained,“Halloween comes once a year, man, I’m not gonna miss it on account of some homework. Look, you only live once, and I’m not about to waste my life not taking every chance I get to have fun.”

When asked if he would trick-or-treat next year as well, the barely even pitiable Steinway was sure that he would.

“Of course! Halloween is probably my favorite holiday. My parents would never let me stay out late enough to get a lot of candy when I was a little kid, so I’m just really trying to take advantage of the freedom I have now.”

What a complete shithead.


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