Last Friday, sophomore Jim Galb became the first person in the history of the tobacco industry to look uncool while smoking a cigarette.
“He didn’t seem mysterious, misunderstood, or rebellious” said one onlooker, “I would be very comfortable with him dating my daughter.”
Jim’s smoke break outside College Hall lasted approximately fifteen indecisive minutes and not once was his behavior reminiscent of James Dean. At no point did he gaze forlornly at the empty sky, lean casually against a wall, or even appear to be questioning the conforming institutions of modern American society.
“I would never expect him to be in a Wes Anderson film,” added Larry Kraeger ’16, “certainly not the Royal Tenembaums. I don’t think Quentin Tarantino would even use him as an extra!”
After he finished smoking, maintaining a distance of fifteen feet from any campus building, Jim deposited his cigarette butt in the nearest ashtray. He continued to the cafeteria wearing a non-leather jacket, sporting prescription reading glasses, and not riding a motorcycle.