Student Disappointed with Birthday

Sophomore Cory Polk, self-described “birthday person,” turned twenty Monday, but was disheartened by the lack of enthusiasm his friends showed for his birthday.

Polk was met with only half-hearted birthday wishes when he announced that it was his birthday in his political science course. “Happy Birthday” was not sung to him, even after subtly hinting that he wanted it to be.

“I mean, a lot of people wrote to me on my Facebook wall this year, which was nice,” said Polk, “but it’s like, would they have even remembered it was my birthday if Facebook hadn’t reminded them? I doubt it.”

He had hoped his pre-birthday tweet, which read “Hey, it’s my birthday tomorrow, hope it’s better than last year’s :/ #IloveBirthdays”, would spur his friends to action, but he had no such luck. Polk received no birthday gifts, aside from twenty dollars from his grandmother inside a store-bought card that read “Here’s twenty dollars for my Cor-cor’s twentieth. Don’t spend it all on junk food and soda pop! -Love, Mee-Ma.”

Polk said he foresees a downward trend in birthdays following his twenty-first.

“I mean, next year’s birthday should be fun, but, after that, what is there to look forward to? My fiftieth? I guess I’m going to have to accept the fact that I’m getting older now, and people just don’t get that excited for some adult’s birthday.”

Polk’s roommate Alex Sunder said the disappointed birthday boy’s night ended with him looking through old pictures of childhood birthdays and showing them to Sunder, who was busy trying to write a geography paper.

“I felt bad for him,” said Sunder, “but it was like, dude, I don’t really give a shit that you had a ninja-dinosaur themed party when you were ten, even if your parents made a ‘really sick obstacle course.’”

Polk said he plans on trying to convince his friends that his birthday is really more of a week-long event. We wish him luck.

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