THIS JUST IN

• Gluten-Full Beer a Big Hit with Normal People

• Jay-Z to Fans: “It’s pronounced J-Zee. I can tell when you say it wrong.”

• The Boxcar Children lose touch in bleak and dull adulthood

• Stray dog finishes fourth in medal count at Vancouver 2010

• Area man gives up on going to the doctor; instead relying on Yahoo Answers

• White student plays black character in video game, feels like he “understands discrimination”

• Local Band changes name for the third time: Believe ‘The Droolers’ to be superior name to “Helicopter Erection”

• 4th Grade Election thrown off by literal mudslinging

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