What Cafe Mac Says vs. What it Should Say

SAYS: Twin Cities Roast, a nutty honey, roasted almond, and chocolate blend.

SHOULD SAY: Twin Cities Roast, a diluted, luke-warm, slightly caffeinated ass-water blend.

SAYS: Pizza with fresh brie, crème sauce, pork tenderloin, and sautéed onions on a fresh flatbread.

SHOULD SAY: Pizza with a frozen crust and shredded cheese sprinkled with the nasty leftovers from the grill.

SAYS: Vegan Apple Crisp.

SHOULD SAY: Sliced apples and dry oatmeal microwaved and then refrigerated.

SAYS: Farm-raised Chicken Breast.

SHOULD SAY: Previously frozen bird carcass that’s dry as Arrakis.

SAYS: Assorted Bars and Cookies.

SHOULD SAY: Many options, but they all taste the same.

SAYS: One Serving.

SHOULD SAY: 3 raviolis, two green beans and a Happy fucking Tuesday.

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