Fraternity Hazing Ritual Leads to Foreign Relations Incident With China

A fraternity from Washington D.C., Beta Theta Kappa, has recently come into the national spotlight after causing a foreign relations incident with the Chinese government.

The incident occurred last Saturday, when a hazing ritual went awry. The ritual involved a student, Tyler Klaus, being fed laxatives and “butt-chugging” copious amounts of hot sauce mixed with 150 proof liquor. The student was then told to go to a local Chinese restaurant and “nuke the bathroom.”

However, the severely intoxicated young man misunderstood the instructions, and instead went to the Chinese Embassy, passing out near the entrance.

When roused by guards, Klaus reportedly giggled and said “I’m so fucking… just bombed dude! Am I in a party?”

The guards, alarmed by his use of the word bomb, asked him what he was there for. He said, “I don’t remember, I think I’m supposed to nuke this place, ha ha ha!” The student then tried to sit up and vacated his bowels.

He was detained for questioning and the premises were searched for explosives.

The Chinese government is trying to have Beta Theta Kappa investigated as a terrorist organization. They also believe the fraternity may be tangentially responsible for hiding the recently crashed Malaysian plane.

Virginia house member Ryall McRouge, a former Beta Theta Kappa member, is vehemently opposing this investigation, saying that “the behaviors of one or a small group of individuals should not reflect poorly on this organization as a whole. Beta Theta Kappa is committed to community service and the bettering of fine young men. I can assure you this entire incident is completely opposed to our values.”

When reached for interview, Klaus’s only remark was “Pledge Beta! It’s seriously the most… the best thing you can do… for my life. I mean your life.” He seemed to still be intoxicated.


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