It’s been over two decades since Ben Bartelheim lost his last baby tooth, but he’s still confident that the Tooth Fairy will compensate him for his losses.
“She’s never come,” Bartelheim said. “I wrote notes. I left the front door unlocked. I stared longingly out my window. But I know she will. That’s why I sleep with all 20 of my baby teeth, and four wisdom teeth, in a Ziploc baggie under my pillow.”
Bartelheim looks forward to a massive return investment on his dental caché. After 26 years of waiting and a going rate of $1 per baby tooth, he expects to receive $67.82 after inflation. “It should happen any day now because I’ve been wishing harder than ever,” Bartelheim said.
While some might think that a bag of teeth under your pillow might detract from your sex life, Bartelheim explained that just wasn’t true.
“They’ve actually enhanced things in bed. Chicks dig it. You’d never expect when a bloody nub of a tooth might come in handy.”
The Tooth Fairy declined to comment. Ben’s mom just sighed.