CARDED: Sex and Lanyards

A survey conducted by Macalester’s Health and Wellness Center in September shows that, in their first three weeks on campus, 73% of the class of 2018 who’d had sex self-reported that they did so while wearing their lanyards.

When asked about the study, Allie Sharkey, a first-year from Portland, OR, said: “Well, I don’t want to lose my ID. How else am I going to get back into Dupre at 11:30 on a Thursday? Everyone will be in bed… it’s a school night!”

Many experts are worried about students’ potential for injury during lanyard sex, but Sharkey believes it’s worth it.

“Yeah sometimes the keys scratch [my fuckbuddy’s] chest and one time our lanyards got tangled, but it’s better safe than sorry,” Sharkey said. “Our keys and IDs are just too easy to lose in the heat of the moment.”

Is keeping your ID safe worth the potential risks? Mary Wellenstein, head coital ethnographer at the Health and Wellness Center, claims that sex with lanyards simply isn’t worth it.

“People are dying of accidental, non-consensual strangulation,” Wellenstein said. “We need to get the word out that wearing lanyards around your neck not only makes you look like a fucking loser, but that it’s dangerous. Sex should be a positive, safe experience and lanyards are preventing this from becoming a reality.”

Michael Jetsen, a senior and head of Mac SISKS (Students Into Safe, Kinky Sex) disagrees with Wellenstein’s all or nothing approach to this issue. Jetsen suggests that there are infinite possibilities for lanyards to be incorporated into people’s sex lives in fun, safe ways.

“There’s potential for whipping, scratching and so much more,” Jetsen said. He did caution the Macalester community against the use of lanyards for autoerotic asphyxiation, as this has shown to be a risky activity (although it’s said to give toe-curling orgasms). Mac SISKS will be publishing a pamphlet in November on the safe use of lanyards during sex.

As the debate rages on, there’s no clear evidence that this trend will stop anytime soon. On quiet nights outside of Dupre, one will still hear screams of: “Baby, I don’t know if that’s you or your ID but OOOOOOOOHHHHHHH!”


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