How to Be Cool

1. Attach ice packs to your back. Refresh as often as able.

2. Birkenstocks.

3. Cuff your pants. Thrice.

4. Read The Hegemonocle.

5. Only wear black, grey, brown, forest green, maroon or navy. It’s past Labor Day, people.

6. Join the frisbee team.

7. Drop out.

8. Re-enroll.

9. Don’t ask questions.

10. Don’t be a fucking nerd.

11. Swear at your teachers.

12. Don’t wear glasses.

13. Forget how to read.

14. Develop an entourage.

15. Smoke spliffs and compost them in class.

16. Get addicted to something.

17. Develop a rival.

18. Join Mac Bike.

19. Plagiarize.

20. Talk about your masturbation schedule.

21. Pretend to work at Café Mac.

22. Read Malcolm Gladwell’s Outliers. Be an Outlier.

23. Declare a Geology major.

24. Call home at least once a week.

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