Official Nap Location Power Rankings as Designated by the HWC

12. On a firm mattress under low intensity lighting

Positives: Sturdy lumbar support, minimalist energy consumption

Negatives: Not a Sleep Number Bed, “scientific”

11. The Rat Room

Positives: Rats

Negatives: N/A

10. Caribou Coffee

Positives: Supports endangered species

Negatives: The old man who’s been licking his lips and looking at you for the last three hours

9. The house you grew up in

Positives: If only once more, you can rest easy under the blanket of careless youth

Negatives: May induce crippling nostalgia and acute fear of the future

8. Jimmy John’s parking lot

Positives: Good way to break out of the “Mac Bubble,” supports small businesses, free smells

Negatives: Gastrointestinal discomfort

7. Brian Rosenberg’s lawn

Positives: Great view of Wallace

Negatives: That poo you laid down on

6. Behind the wheel

Positives: Time efficient

Negatives: Uncomfortable, “laws”

5. The biohazard room in the Leonard Center

Positives: Safe from ebola

Negatives: Biohazards

4. The FedEx Store

Positives: Supports small businesses, open 24/7

Negatives: May be confused for a package and shipped across the country

3. The Pendulum Room

Positives: Mesmerizing mechanics will lull you to sleep, “Slam” and “Blood Sugar” are great songs

Negatives: May receive a 15th century style execution, assumes no friction or air resistance

2. Your roommate’s bed

Positives: Quick way to escalate your relationship

Negatives: You know they were just there masturbating during your 1:10

1. Inside the geode

Positives: You could evolve

Negatives: You may be absorbed into the amethyst and frozen in time


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