Bullying: An opinion

We’ve all been there: your kid comes home with a black eye, split lip, bruised thigh, cracked hip, you name it! They refuse to tell you why or give you some bullshit excuse like “My friends and I were just messing around” or “I hit my head on the teeter-totter.” Pft. As if! Your kid doesn’t have friends and they definitely aren’t tall enough to hit the teeter-totter. No, fellow parents, the truth is that your kid is getting bullied!

Now hold off on your reaction for a quick sec. I know you’re probably going to be sad that your kid is being bullied, angry at the little punk that’s bullying them or even embarrassed your kid is such a fucking nerd. But fellow parents, I’m going to tell you something radical: you should be happy.

“What?” you ask. “Happy?”

I know, I know, it’s crazy but give me a chance. Hear me out ‘rents.

How else will your kid learn to fight dirty? Who else will let them experience the joys of a swirlie? A purple nurple? A wango tango? Where else will they realize that nothing they want in life will ever come to pass and that ultimately it’s better to just give up and not even try because that’s the only way to save yourself from the crushing disappointment of having your hopes and dreams pulverized just like your spirit?

Riddle me that, dads!

Here’s what I know: Your kid’s gonna be a much stronger person after getting bullied. They’ll understand the facts of life before they can even spell ‘em.

So next time your kid comes home riddled with bruises or self-doubt courtesy of one of their more bulky and/or confident peers, don’t sweat it! Know that, in the end, your kid is building character and gaining valuable life experience.

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