Help! How to Respond if Your Child Says They’re “Straight”

You have just learned that your child is heterosexual. You experience self-blame (“Where did I go wrong?”), grief (“The child I knew no longer exists!”), worry (“Will my child be discriminated against?”) religious confusion (“Will my godless child spend eternity in hell?”) and stigma (“What will people think of me?”).

So, what should you do now?

1. Take a deep breath (even though the air in your home may be thick with the stench of heterosexuality and AXE™ Body Spray).

2. Tell yourself that you can get through this. It might just be a phase. Your child is probably just curious and it will run its course. I know it is difficult, but even I once had a hetero stage. I was young and reckless but eventually I came around. My parents later told me they had “prayed the straight away” and if it worked for them, it can work for you!

3. Leave literature from 2000 years ago in your child’s room. Highlight the sections that outline why the lifestyle they are choosing is morally reprehensible. Doing so will result in your child seeing the error of their sinful ways. I know with the mainstream media’s straight agenda, it may be difficult for your child to see the light. But this literature should help.

4. Another step toward eradicating this straightness is to stop your child from watching shows such as Duck Dynasty, Pawn Stars, and Jimmy Neutron. All of these shows undeniably promote a straight-centered perspective that damages our nation’s traditional values that have always made America so great.

5. Be sure to tell your child that you will love them unconditionally given they deny the person they were born as. This will likely be beneficial for your long-term relationship and your overall health, as their straightness may prove contagious.

Be sure to check out our article in the next issue: Egads! What to do if your child is cisgender


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