Area Man Discovers Windows Work Both Ways

St. Paul local Harvey Lowell came across an unforeseen quality of windows late last week: They work both ways. After years of people-watching from his living room window (often scantily dressed or even nude during the summer) Lowell was shocked to realize that others walking by could see him. “I typically spend two to three hours every afternoon, groin to glass, watching the people walk by,” Lowell said.

During that time, the children of nearby Jimmy Carter Elementary School are ordinarily walking home with their parents, many of which cross by Lowell’s residence. Parent Lindsey Johnson is greatly concerned with Lowell’s actions.

“I’ve been walking my daughter home from school since 2009 and every day, without fail, he watches in nothing but a Baby Gap bathrobe,” Johnson said. “I’m terrified of the day he reaches his arms an inch too high and exposes himself to me and my little girl! I often give him disgusted looks, but he just laughs as if he thinks I don’t know what’s going on in there!”

Lowell made the discovery when his neighbor, Walter Hammon, showed him a video he had taken of Lowell flicking Hammon off and laughing.

“He flips me the bird every Thursday while I’m mowing my lawn. When I confront him about it he denies it like it never happened! I had to get proof for my own sanity,” Hammon said.

Lowell was shocked when Hammon presented him with the video. When we asked Lowell if we could view the video ourselves he made sure to emphasize how cold it was that day, despite the video being filmed in the summer.

How did this man go his entire life not realizing that windows work both ways? “I always assumed I was on the right side, looking through,” Lowell said. Since the discovery Lowell has removed all windows from his home, workplace, and Prius. “You know how they say eyes are the windows to the soul? Well I’ve got a new saying: Windows are fucking liars.”

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