Newly licensed urologist, Richard Johnson M.D, has recently reported that he believes he’s made an enormous mistake. “I thought I was going to be a NEURologist, not a URologist!” he said, gesticulating wildly. Apparently, Johnson checked the wrong box on his application to DeVry Medical School and ever since his life has been mysteriously stuffed full of penises.
“I mean, I knew that being a doctor meant I would touch a scrote now and again, but I didn’t expect there to be this many dicks! I’ve seen so many dicks!”
We were curious as to how Johnson wasn’t tipped off by the copious amount of penises he was forced to examine during his four years of medical school and his two-year residency.
When questioned, he broke down. “I started to think something might be wrong at around the fifty phallus mark, but at that point I was too far in to pull out. I thought maybe they started us off with dicks, you know, to weed out the less dedicated students, and then they’d bump us up to looking at brains when we’d proven ourselves. But they never did.”
Dr. Johnson told us he definitely won’t be pursuing a career in urology after his residency left him suffering from debilitating erectile dysfunction. Instead Johnson will be working towards certification to become a proctologist. “I think proctoring the SAT will be good for me after six of the most deeply confusing years of my life. I really need this.”