Earlier this week, tragedy struck at the Fareway Groceries in Cornberg, Iowa. While customer Regis Applebottom was leaving checkout aisle four with his groceries in hand, the cashier forgot to tell him to have a nice day. “The rest of the day I was utterly lost,” a flustered Applebottom said. “I didn’t know what kind of day to have!”
From then on, Applebottom’s day spiraled out of control. “Bad things just kept happening to me. I stepped in the middle of Main Street and got hit by a car. I bought another copy of Titanic on VHS; I don’t even have a VCR! And I’m pretty sure I stabbed someone at a farmers’ market. Maybe if that cashier had just remembered to tell me to have a good day that street performer would still be alive.”
The cashier has yet to be identified, but there is currently a warrant out for his arrest for his part in the murder of “Wacky Willy,” the accordion-playing puppeteer. On an unrelated note, arrests for meth possession have been at a record low in Cornberg over the past week.