OLD MAIN LAWN – Sophomore Dan Sorenson spent last Tuesday afternoon taking advantage of one of the first gorgeous days of spring by heading out to Old Main Lawn and throwing a frisbee around with his friends. Sorenson enjoyed his time on the lawn, but he couldn’t help hating himself a little bit.
“It was fun, I mean, of course. I love to slang with my friends, but man, I really don’t want to be that guy.”
Wearing a patterned button down, a stupid hat, and a nonchalant expression on his face, Sorenson elaborated: “I mean, c’mon, you know, that kid throwing a frisbee on the lawn. I really just don’t want to be that asshole.” Sipping a Hamm’s in a striped sock, he added: “As soon as he’s done throwing, he picks up his guitar and starts playing ‘Wonderwall,’ and I just hate that guy.”
Most students did not take notice, but some validated Sorenson’s concerns.
“Look at those kids, oh man, they think they’re so fucking ‘college’ don’t they?” reported one student who was “trying to avoid ‘those guys’ by coming to a school like Mac.”
Sorenson said he would continue to throw on the lawn and would not let the hate get him down. “I’m just a chill bruh who’s trying to chill, bruh.” Sorenson said, all but confirming that he is indeed, “that guy.”