11 Reasons to Join a Cult

  1. You’ll finally have a sense of belonging.

2. You’ll have an unlimited supply of small animal blood.

3. You’ll have a limited supply of medium animal blood.

4. You’ll have large animal blood that is distributed on a need only basis.

5. Everyone around town will envy your slick new robes.

6. You’ll eliminate all the sources of negative energy in your life, like your money and family.

7. You’ll have fulfilled the psychological need to be dominated and to follow a leader uncritically

8. You’ll know that cult comes from the same root as culture and cultivate, so it can’t be all bad.

9. You’ll be able to survive the imminent Theglonian invasion, and will be rewarded for your loyalty with a new, more loving, alien mother, and keychain accessories.

1o. Your cult leader will single handedly resolve all your daddy issues with patented neural probing technique.

11. You’ll get to have more sex than you’re currently having (which isn’t saying much). Plus with more masks, and hairier people.


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