Aries: a bad case of gastroenteritis on your birthday weekend
Taurus: “accidentally” send nudes to your advisor on two separate occasions
Gemini: your 4 year old cousin tells you they’re disappointed in you
Cancer: wait two hours in the rain for your bus; get on the wrong bus
Leo: slam your finger in the fridge door twice in one day
Virgo: mom reveals that the pet fish you had when you were five did not actually “run away”
Libra: overhear your RA calling you a “huge fuckin’ narc”
Scorpio: you misuse the term “neoliberal” in your politics class; the professor kicks you out
Sagittarius: eat a gas station hot dog out of desperation and rate it as “ok”
Capricorn: have a full blown meltdown in the library when your essay prints in landscape
Aquarius: roommate barfs in your defrosting mini-fridge; you find out 3 days later
Pisces: pubic landscaping gone awry
