Goat Life Starter Pack

Students at Macalester College have long been known to turn heads with their eccentric fashion choices. Pastel hair, facial piercings, vintage thrifted yak leather shrugs. But this spring’s newest trend is perhaps the wildest so far.

“I was feeling pretty lost, you know,” junior Samuel Billings said, gently stroking his hand woven artisanal hemp scarf, “and then I heard about the Goat Man.”

In his memoir Goat Man: How I Took a Holiday from Being Human, Thomas Thwaites describes how he immersed himself in the life and mind of a goat by building himself a goat-like exoskeleton and living with goats in the Alps for six days. Billings took this approach to heart.

“I guess I was just looking for some way to distinguish myself on campus. I mean I already got a piercing that goes through both nostrils and my septum, but here that’s just not enough,” said Billings.  “Then I started dressing up as a goat and living exclusively off of grass and puddle water and now I feel so unique.  Also I’m saving tons of money,” he added.

“Goat living is really the most sustainable way to live. I’m on an all local grass, raw vegan diet and my droppings are great fertilizer,” said Suzanne Mendelson, a sophomore who’s recently begun following the trend.

One student,  Amy Foresworth ‘20, is taking it even further. “I’m submitting my goat-life experience as performance art for the creative section of my veggie co-op application along with a sick recipe for loam-kentucky bluegrass raw casserole with clay aioli”, she said, munching on a twig.

When Brian Rosenberg was asked about the trend he said, “I’ve learned to stop caring about the weird antics students get up to here. I just wish they’d stop shitting on my lawn.”

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