Psychedelic Mold found in Cafe Mac Meatloaf draws crowds


In recent culinary news, students brave enough to try the suspiciously textured meatloaf in Cafe Mac discovered the unmistakable fuzziness of mold marbled in between the unidentifiable gristle and shreds of abandoned hair nets. While those foolhardy enough to look closely at Cafe Mac food quickly disposed of the offending dish, some more trusting students led to an even more important discovery when they promptly began tripping balls, hardcore.

While the discovery that the meatloaf was laden with psychedelic mold was met with dismay by the initial wave of lame ass square 5pm diners who hadn’t scheduled “intense psychotropic experience” on their G-Cal, by the time students with actual friends showed up at 6, the line for South stretched further than the Grille line at noon on a Saturday. Students rushing back to their tables to get a taste of transcendence were forced to step over the bodies of their twitching peers before scarfing down the fuzzy meat and sliding down off their seats and joining them in a haze of colors and loss of limb control. At closing, Cafe Mac workers ended up donning the rubber boots traditionally used to clean out the pig pens to drag tripping stragglers out of the campus dining establishment.

However, the event did draw its fair share of criticism, and not just on Mac Confessions. Students who had simply used a meal swipe at the Grille felt even more left out than usual, and used the occasion to attempt to push their agenda  for an expanded meal swipe menu. Similarly, there was an outcry by the vegetarian and vegan segment of the student body, who argued that once again, Cafe Mac was not meeting its needs by failing to providing a meat free, psychotropic laden alternative to the meatloaf.

Administration responded to the meatloaf by offering Highlander gift cards as reparations for any possible irreparable brain damage caused by the event. Despite many students having trouble regaining control of their limbs as late as a week after the event, the culinary extravaganza is already shaping up to be the highlight of the school year.


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